remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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