honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
