i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
