Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just want nice things and good sex
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
