I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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