Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
