I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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