The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
