she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
