Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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