My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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