i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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