im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
