I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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