I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize