I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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