You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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