yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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