OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
