I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
