There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
