Define "chronic" masturbator.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
