There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
