at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
