at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Tornado booty call.. dedication
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Randomize
