What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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