i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize