your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
