the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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