I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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