I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
