she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
