I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
