It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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