we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
