Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize