how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Damn victory sex feels great
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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