Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
