I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
