well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
