did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize