here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
