Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
