yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
