oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
