im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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