just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize