Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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