Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
