I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
