If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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