There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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