wat bout pragnant strippers??
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
