Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
