Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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