I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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