He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
