the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
