I just saw a hot homeless man
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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