My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
