dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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