he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
