I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
