so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
