so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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