don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
