At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
