So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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