Don't make out with my wife yet
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
