Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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