Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
The best revenge is premature balding
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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