I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize